


In which Ron is the clueless idiot rather than Harry

by teddy_or_something



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Oblivious Ron Weasley, Ron Weasley Being an Idiot, Ron Weasley is a Good Friend, but i love drarry tho, harry isn't clueless this time, like seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23845906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teddy_or_something/pseuds/teddy_or_something
Summary: Ron would just like to note thatmostof the time he knows what’s going on. This was not one of those times.Whythe fuckwas Malfoy kissing his best mate?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 13
Kudos: 318





	In which Ron is the clueless idiot rather than Harry

**Author's Note:**

> I speed wrote this in about three days because this concept just popped into my head a few days ago. I hope you like it!

Ron would just like to note that _most_ of the time he knows what’s going on. This was not one of those times. 

Why _the fuck_ was Malfoy kissing his best mate?

**_{Five months earlier}_ **

Ron was having a nice dream about his mother’s cooking before he was rudely awakened by Pig, his owl. He didn’t even have time to wake up fully before a small white envelope was being dropped into his lap. “Okay, okay,” he said to the hyperactive owl as itr erratically flew from one wall to the next without stopping. Ron headed to the kitchen where he found his girlfriend already up and ready for work. “Why, hello there,” he said while grabbing Pig’s treats from out of the cupboard. “Who is this fine woman that I’ve just found in my kitchen?”

Hermione rolled her eyes and rose up on her tiptoes to kiss Ron. “Just your girlfriend of five years. No one special,” she said with an affectionate smile. “What’s that?” she asked, gesturing to the envelope in his hand. 

“I beg to differ,” said Ron, kissing her again before he was once again interrupted by the constantly moving Scops owl. “But this is just a notice about the shop’s business license. It expires in a month. George’ll go renew it. _Okay, okay,”_ he said, reluctantly pulling away from Hermione to feed the overly energetic Pidwidgeon, who was now apparently trying to see how quickly he could fly from the bedroom to the kitchen. “Here,” he said, placing the treats on the counter for the owl to eat. He immediately flew over to the food and began to peck at it with his small beak. 

Hermione kissed the exasperated ginger on the cheek before announcing that she had to go. “I’ll be home in time for dinner!” she called out from the doorway. “Love you!”

“Okay, love you too!” shouted Ron to her retreating frame. “Well,” he said quietly to himself, “I suppose I should get ready for work as well.”

He headed to the bedroom and changed out of his plain white t-shirt and plaid pajama pants into a vermilion jumper and some blue jeans before heading to the bathroom. As he brushed his teeth, he made faces at himself in the mirror; one eyebrow raised, a frown, a surprised look, an exaggerated smile. By the time he finished his hygiene, he was more than ready to begin his day. He opened a window and shoo’d Pig out, then apparated to work himself. 

Upon arrival at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, Ron saw his best mate standing outside of the shop, apparently waiting for it to open. “Harry!” he called out. “What’s up, mate? Shouldn’t you be at St. Mungo’s?” 

Harry smiled at Ron before apparently deciding that that was not the thing he should be doing. He schooled his expression and halfheartedly glared at his best friend. “Ronald,” he said sharply. 

Ron stared at Harry confusedly as he opened the shop and walked in, Harry following not far behind. “Uh, are you okay, Harry? Is something wrong?”

Harry folded his arms in front of his chest and stuck his chin out, trying and failing to look intimidating. “I am going to have to request that you stop selling your Rash Raisins. We’ve had ten cases in the past couple of days about extremely itchy and unexplained rashes and the spell work is very difficult to reverse,” he said in a clipped tone. 

Ron pursed his lips and folded his own arms. “Hm,” he said contemplatively. “I’ll speak to George about it. Maybe he can come up with a healing balm.”

All at once Harry’s terrible facade fell apart and he smiled crookedly at Ron. “Thanks, mate. They sent me to talk to you about it and I had no idea what to say.” He sighed. “You guys don’t really like to listen to authoritative figures when it comes to your products.”

Ron sniggered and moved behind the counter as a few people began to walk in. He quickly cast a not for sale sign in front of the Rash Raisins so that no one would make to buy them. “Sorry for the trouble, mate,” he said.

“You’re not,” said Harry with a knowing smile. And Ron truly wasn’t. 

They both looked over as another customer walked into the shop. Except this wasn’t just any customer. 

This was Draco Malfoy. 

Draco Malfoy, who had just walked right into the shop like he _belonged_ there, grabbed a box of puking pastilles, and began heading towards the register as if it were normal. 

This was not normal at all. 

“I would like to purchase these,” said Malfoy, sliding the box across the counter to Ron. “How much will they be?” 

Ron just gaped at the blonde man and looked over at Harry who was doing the same thing.

...Or so he thought. 

But Harry… Harry was just acting as if it were normal. “Hullo, Malfoy,” he said calmly, as if he didn’t know that it was _Malfoy_ that he was talking to. “How are you today?”

Malfoy looked over at Harry. “I’m doing well, Potter, thank you. How are you doing, yourself?”

And they continued this conversation on until Ron, who was apparently the only one with sense out of the three of them, finally blurted out “Five galleons, please.”

Malfoy looked back over and handed him the money with a hurried “thank you” before heading out of the shop, but not without nodding at Harry first. 

Ron was… well he was absolutely flabbergasted. “Harry, mate, what the bloody hell was that?” he asked incredulously.

Harry raised an eyebrow at Ron. “Um, a conversation?”

“With _Malfoy_?” said Ron, as if Harry was unaware of who he had just been speaking to (which he obviously was, otherwise he wouldn’t have been speaking with him).

Harry shrugged. “I’ve treated him a few times. He _is_ an Auror and I _am_ a healer, so our paths have- Ron, would you please stop gaping at me?” said Harry, annoyed. “It was just a little small talk.”

“With Malfoy,” said Ron, because obviously Harry hadn’t heard him the first time, or he’d see why his actions were so odd.

However, despite Ron’s best efforts to make Harry see reason, the man just sighed. “Honestly, Ron…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I’d best be heading into work anyways. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

Ron just stared at him and Harry sighed again before disapparating. 

**_{Four months earlier}_ **

Ron was tasked with the extremely boring errand of renewing the shop’s business license. He didn’t want to be going to the Ministry at all, but he’d lost to George in a game of Exploding Snaps and his request to have a best two-out-of-three game of chess was denied, so he was there. 

Not much looked different since the last time he was there (the Deatheater trials) and he got straight to his destination without hassle. Yes, yes, it had been two years since the trials, so he should’ve had to go to the Ministry at some point, right?

Wrong. 

Number one, Ron absolutely, positively _loathed_ the Ministry. He has had too many bad experiences in that building. In fact, he still has the scars from the worst one (being crushed by magical brains was not a fun way to possibly go, Ron could tell you). As stubborn as he is about not going to the Ministry, even _Ron_ would be surprised if Ron had gone to the Ministry before now. 

Secondly, he didn’t want to see the place where he would be working if he hadn’t flunked out of the Auror program. Yes, you heard correctly. Ron didn’t have a sudden change in career paths like Harry did and decide to be a co-owner of the shop with George, he flunked out of the program. Apparently, he didn’t “possess the proper skills” to be an Auror or something like that. It stung to see people walking around in the uniform that he himself wanted to wear just a year ago. Especially one person in particular. Which brings him to the last reason he hasn’t been to the ministry in two years. 

“Hello, Weasley,” said Malfoy, the smug bastard. Just who did he think he was? First, showing up to the shop as if he were a regular customer and buying a box of puking pastilles, and now walking up to Ron as if they were _friendly acquaintances_ , which they _weren’t_ , thank you. Ron still very much hated Malfoy as he did in school and Malfoy no doubt felt the same. 

Which is why it was weird that he had just walked up and so casually greeted Ron. 

“Malfoy,” he nodded. 

Malfoy stood awkwardly for a moment while blowing on his steaming hot tea before looking back up at Ron. “Um, thank you for the pastilles,” he said, causing Ron to look over at him so fast he heard his neck crack. “We needed them for a case. They really helped a lot.”

Ron just stared at him with wide eyes. He couldn’t believe it. Malfoy had just… thanked him?

He was sure that it had been a full hour of him staring at Malfoy before he finally responded with an “oh… no problem” and turned back to the person standing in front of him in line. He was three people from the front. 

“How’s Potter doing?” asked Malfoy suddenly. 

Ron spluttered for a few seconds as Malfoy shocked him for the second time that day. “What?” he squawked disbelievingly. 

Malfoy looked at him as if he was a toddler or something. “How’s Potter doing?” he repeated, slower this time, as if _that’s_ what Ron was confused about. 

No, what he was confused about was why the hell Malfoy was asking after Harry. They weren’t even _friends_. What was Malfoy’s angle? There had to be one. Was he hoping to befriend Harry in order to take all of his money since the Malfoy assets had been frozen and would continue to be for the next three years? Was he trying to get close to Harry in order to get drugs to sell on the black market? What if he was trying to get close to Harry in order to get close to Ron and try and shut down the joke shop? Were the puking pastilles evidence of some sort? He clutched the document in his hand a little tighter as the person in front of him reached the desk. 

“He’s doing… well, thanks. I’ll let him know you asked after him,” said Ron carefully, trying not to reveal too much. He couldn’t let Malfoy’s nefarious plans work. 

“Thank you, Weasley,” Malfoy politely said. “See you around.”

Ron just blinked at him as he walked away until the person behind him nudged him up to the desk. 

**_{Three months earlier}_ **

Malfoy was at their game. It seemed as though Malfoy was everywhere nowadays. 

It was still odd, though, that Malfoy was sitting in Ron’s box at the Chudley Cannons game, especially considering that Ron knew that Malfoy hated them. Perhaps he was still playing at the angle he was playing at when Ron was at the Ministry (Ron had decidedly _not_ told Harry about that incident. He was already being _civil_ with the git. No need for him to be _friendly_ too).

Malfoy stood in an orange Chudley Cannons jumper that he’d borrowed from Harry, slim black dress pants, and black dragon-hide boots. Harry stood next to him (much to close, Ron might add. He’d have to get him away from the blonde git when the opportunity presented itself) in a different Chudley Cannons jumper, a pair of ripped blue jeans, and some beat up red sneakers. They almost looked like a couple, Ron noted, but that was impossible. 

He turned his head back to the game just in time to see the Falmouth Falcons score a point on the Cannons. “OH COME ON!” he yelled as the score changed to forty to nothing. He began chanting the Chudley Cannons theme song with the rest of their half of the stadium, completely unaware of Malfoy wrapping his arm around Harry’s waist and pulling him into his side.

**_{Two months earlier}_ **

Ron sat in the booth with his arm thrown around Hermione’s shoulders, chatting happily with Luna and Neville as they waited for Harry to arrive. He had already informed them that he would be a bit late and told them to start drinking without him, and that was what Ron fully intended to do. He was already halfway done with his third beer when Harry walked in.

With Malfoy following close behind. 

Ron supposed that he should probably be used to having close encounters with Malfoy in strange places, but he had to admit that it was a shock seeing him walk into their monthly get-together at the local pub. At this point, he was starting to turn into Harry with how accepting he was of the irritable blonde bastard. He just nodded at both of them as they slid into the booth, Harry next to Ron, Malfoy next to Luna. Hermione sat up beside him, looking eager as she smiled at Malfoy. 

“Hello, Draco,” she said conversationally. Ron could barely conceal his shock at her use of his first name. 

“Granger,” he replied politely. Ron relaxed. At least _Malfoy_ was still in his right mind, because everybody else seemed to have lost theirs. 

“What brings you here, Malfoy?” Ron asked disdainfully, but before he could insult him, Hermione hit him on top of the head and glared at him. 

“He’s here to drink, just like you are, you idiot!” she chastised him. Ron was more than a little confused. 

“Harry brought me,” said Malfoy, causing Ron’s eyes to almost pop out of his head. 

“H-Harry?” he repeated, disbelievingly. 

Neville smiled at Ron and reached across the table to pat him on the shoulder with a shake of his head. “Didn’t you see them walk in together?” he asked Ron, as if _that_ was what he didn’t understand.

No, what Ron didn’t understand was why Malfoy was calling Harry “Harry.”

Malfoy _hated_ Harry. 

He had thought that Malfoy was in his right mind, but it turned out that he was the maddest one of them all. He looked over at Harry to see him casually sipping at a tumbler of whiskey that he had gotten at some point, then at Luna, then at Neville, then at Hermione. 

None of them seemed shocked. 

_‘Have my friends been replaced by aliens?’_ he thought to himself, debating whether or not he should ask someone to pinch him and wake him up. All of his friends were lunatics. When they had become so, he didn’t know. All he knew was that he was the only sane one of the bunch and he had to save them all from Malfoy before they were consumed by his Slytherin ideals and mannerisms. 

“Uh, Ron? Are you okay?” Harry asked, but Ron wasn’t having any of it. 

_“Finite Incantatem!”_ he cried, pointing his wand at Harry, who just blinked at him. “Well?” asked Ron after a few seconds. “How do you feel?”

Harry shook his head. “Like… like I’ve just woken up from a nightmare,” he said. 

“Oh, thank Merlin!” Ron shouted. “I thought I had lost you forever!”

Just then, Harry burst into uncontrollable sniggers, accompanied by Hermione and Neville, while Malfoy just stared at him confusedly and Luna smiled serenely. 

“Oh, mate, you’ve really got me going now!” said Harry through his laughter. “I’ve gotta start showing up late to these things more often!”

Ron just blinked. “W-What?” he said with a frown. 

Harry wiped at his eyes as he tried -and failed- to get his laughter under control. “The way you- you pointed the wand- what did you-” he stopped to try and catch his breath. “What did you think was going on?”

“I- I thought…” Ron started, then stopped as their laughter showed no signs of ceasing. He drained his beer. “I’m going to get another drink,” he announced to the group with a scowl. A chorus of “Oh, Ron, come on’s” and “We were just messing with you’s” followed him all the way to the bar. 

**_{One month earlier}_ **

Ron was in a frenzy. He couldn’t find Pig anywhere. 

Now, normally, he wouldn’t really care, but it had been two days now and his owl still wasn’t home.

He had checked the shed, asked Hermione if she’d sent him to run any errands, leaned out of the window and called his name- listen, he was desperate. He needed to find his owl. 

The last place he had sent him was to the Burrow, but his mom and dad said that they had given him a treat and sent him on his way. He had already fire called all of his siblings, school friends, and St. Mungo’s (Harry wasn’t off work yet). He couldn’t find Pig anywhere. 

It had been forty-seven minutes since he last called anyone to ask after his owl. He decided to call Harry again, this time to his house. “Harry’s place!” he shouted into the fire as he dropped the floo powder in. He didn’t immediately get a response. 

Then he saw Harry’s face appear through the flames. “Hullo, Ron,” he said, breathlessly. “What’s- woah, you look worried! Has Pig still not turned up yet?”

Ron shook his head as his heart sank. If Harry was asking him that, he must not have Pig over at his’. His owl was missing. Then-

 _“Harry!”_ he heard someone call from the background. _“There’s a hyperactive owl in your kitchen and it seems to be bouncing off of the walls!”_

“Pig!” shouted Ron. “He’s there! I’m coming through!”

“Wait!” Harry shouted suddenly. “I- uh, I- I’ll send him through!” 

Ron was confused. Why wouldn’t Harry let him come through? Come to think of it, he recognized that voice in the background. “Harry?” he said slowly. “Harry was that Malf-” He was interrupted by Pig shooting through the flames at record speed, nearly flying directly into Ron’s forehead. 

“Is he there?” asked Harry as Pig flew out of sight. 

“Yeah, I got him,” said Ron. “But, Harry, was that Mal-”

“Sorry- I gotta go!” Harry interrupted, beginning to stand. 

“But Harry- hey, where’s your shirt?”

“Talk to you later, Ron!”

“But-” 

That was all he was able to say before the floo call ended. “Huh,” he said thoughtfully, “Weird.”

**Which brings us to today.**

Why _the fuck_ was Malfoy kissing his best mate?

“What the hell is going on?” Ron asked with wide eyes. “Why are they kissing?”

Neville raised an eyebrow at him. “Because they’re dating,” he said calmly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“But-” stuttered Ron. “But it’s _Malfoy_!”

Hermione sighed. “You mean to tell me that after all this time you hadn’t realized that Harry and Draco were together?”

Ron just blinked, looking around him. He was the only surprised one. “But- but-” He looked back at Harry and Draco (who were still too caught up in their sucking face to pay attention to what was going on around them) and sighed. “Well… at least he’s happy, I guess.”

Hermione smiled and grabbed his arm, leaning her head on his shoulder. “I love you,” she said, causing Ron to blush and look away. Luna and Neville smiled at them. 

“I love you too,” he mumbled. Soon, he was smiling with the rest of them. 

**\--END--**

**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos! Comment! ...please?


End file.
